It was a difficult return yesterday – and busy.
This morning I have been getting the t-shirts printed for Belinda and I to march tomorrow in London. I’m hyped up to the eyeballs, and the emotions are difficult to control. They threaten to overwhelm, but there is the car to do yet – oil, water, tyres, etc – and I have to rein them in somehow. There is normal excitement at a time like this of course – and natural anxiety – but, as a clever thinking friend said recently, it seemed to them that mental illness was normal emotions magnified out of normal proportion. I thinkk this is right. It’s like a light tap with a glass hammer on the thumb magnified to a mallet crashing down on it repeatedly. The first is unpleasant, but quite manageable, the second, a constant immobiliser.
So I have to try and hold back the mallet for a while. Then I have to drive to London. I think a good supply of mints in the car is essential. And music.
The thoughts bounce again. The issue of remaining in the moment – which is non-threatening – is a difficult one to address, but I am going to try it now, and make it stick. It sounds easy. In practice I’m not so sure, but one has to try.
I shall update this blog when we arrive at Wembley – at my daughter’s flat, where we are crashing for a couple of nights. And I shall try to blog from the march, though that may be difficult due to wi-fi considerations. So we may have a catch up post tomorrow.
For those who read this blog, thank you so much. This week has been a real help writing it. A busy week, and a challenging one, is made better by those who care enough.
And, meanwhile, here is a picture of Belinda with our shirts for tomorrow (front and back):